Epistle Poem
A letter to Eslynn
Do you remember
that June day
on the river?
I had just gotten
my driver’s liscence
so we had to go
somewhere
And the sun shone
off my blonde head
and your blonde head
And when we arrived
we took about
a million pictures
in the afternoon sun
Our pinkies linked
as we navigated
those treacherous rocks
I think that that’s
what I miss most
having someone
who loved me that much
That would risk her
brand new shorts
falling into the river
Just so that I
would know
you were there
and you always would be
And now we’ve grown past
that tentative bond
but I still miss it sometimes
I still miss you
November 21st, 2012 at 6:25 pm
*driver’s lisense
I love the idea of this– I’m sure this is a feeling that everyone has felt, which makes some of these explanatory lines unnecessary, and it breaks it up because the reader is saying in his/her head “ya ya, I know the feeling.”
The line “I think that that’s” is awkward and can be reworded.
Great job on this poem!
November 24th, 2012 at 10:08 pm
I enjoyed this poem, and I think the break from the 3 lines/4 lines pattern with the last stanza gave it the impact you were looking for. The only thing you might want to consider is the fact that, aside from the one ‘?’, you have no punctuation throughout the poem. Add to that the fact that, because of your wording, that ‘?’ is implied anyway, you might want to consider omitting it.
November 25th, 2012 at 5:06 pm
I think my favorite part of this poem were the line “That would risk her/brand new shorts/falling into the river.” You get a brief glimpse of her character through that one detail, and I loved it. It would be driver’s license. I think that this could be expanded a little more in how they’ve grown apart. Is it just through distance, a fight? I think that you really convey the nostalgia and a sense of loss that while not crushing, is still something that one wonders every now and then.
November 25th, 2012 at 10:42 pm
I really love the form of your poem. I think it is a great way to lead up to how much this person means to you. The lines “That would risk her/brand new shorts/falling into the river.” really was a powerful stanza. The simplicity of the line almost makes it more powerful. I could tell other parts of the poem were very meaningful. I thought using the occasion of getting your driver license was very effective because it is a moment that everyone experiences but you told a specific story that centered around that day. To me it made the poem very personal to you, which I liked. However, it could hurt your poem because it so specific to you.
November 25th, 2012 at 11:07 pm
I liked this a lot. It obviously evokes very nostalgic emotions that we all have for close friends that we have that we may have fallen apart from. My favorite part was the alliteration in “sun shone.” I think it works well and also paints a very vivid picture of the situation.
November 26th, 2012 at 12:10 am
I really like this because it’s written in a very conversational way, and yet the seriousness of the tone still comes across. I really like that the last line stands alone in it’s own stanza too. The relationship between the two is vague which I also liked, and though I usually don’t like a complete lack of punctuation I think it really works here
November 29th, 2012 at 11:52 pm
I really like this poem! It talks about things that everyone experiences sometime in their life. I would suggest taking a look at how you could play with punctuation. I think you could even make it more conversational with the punctuation. Good job though!